If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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