i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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