your thong is hanging out like whoa
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's always time for handjobs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
