First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
