Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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