The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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