are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
