My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
