cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
