Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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