yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
