I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one might say we're banned from that church
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
