dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
