i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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