she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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