It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
