Non-Jews are for practice
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
