I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
