I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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