Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
