you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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