I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
