So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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