What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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