sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
