Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize