she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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