he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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