You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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