marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
