I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
