Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
