No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
