My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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