ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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