i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
