i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
