So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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