idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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