would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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