When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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