fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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