I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Two words: blizzard sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
