watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
