I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
