I CAN MOONWALK!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
