boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
