I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
