New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
