does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her vagine was all disorganized.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
