so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize