Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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