I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
babies were throwing up all over the place
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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