I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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