we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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