I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize